Blue

Today im feeling blue. My mind is going crazy right now. My grandma is in the hospital and she seems to be getting worse. Im trying to stay positive but i cant help to just plan for the worst and start preparing myself. Im going to go see her tonight with my friends and bring her flowers. I think im more worried about losing her because of my mom and nephew. I dont want william to have to feel such loss when hes so young. I dont want him to feel how i felt when i lost my grandpa. And for my mom i just know that shes going to go down into a deep dark hole and im sad for her because i dont like to see her hurting. Ill end up moving back in with her if my grandma doesnt make it just because she will need someone and if i put all my energy and emotion into making sure my mom is okay and making it, then maybe i wont hurt so bad. I feel blue when i see my grandma with the tubs coming from her face and the iv tubes in her arms. And i feel even more blue when i can tell that shes embarassed that im seeing her that way so i dont stay long. I feel blue again when i can tell she thinks it would be easier to die.